Tag: 12 days of xmas The gessnation

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12 Days of X-Mas!

DAY 4
JINGLE ALL THE WAY

“Put that cookie down! NOW!”
I don’t care. I don’t care how stupid it is, I don’t care how the whole film basically hinges on one stupid premise and how Arnold has terrible comedic timing. I still find it really goddamned funny. And there’s only one thing that could have made this movie better, and that’s watching it with friends. Here’s the rule for maximum enjoyment of this movie: Take a drink every time Arnold screams, and they say the word “turbo”. And if you’re watching with Sean, be sure to have an extra one every time Jake Lloyd comes on screen. Because it’s bound to have a rage fueled “You Anakin Skywalking, Pod Racing Little prick”.

No it’s not the best Christmas movie. Hell, it’s not even the funniest Arnold movie. But once you get past the goofy faces, the stupid plot, and the little things that nobody seems to care about but me (Nobody notices that there’s a WORKING jetpack in this universe? Isn’t that like a world changing device, and they’re using it for a holiday parade in Minnesota?), it’s actually pretty damn funny. I guess if you’re so used to seeing Arnold in serious action roles, seeing him scream at toy store owners and run all over town to find an action figure may be a little hard to handle. But Arnie goes ALL OUT in this, more so than he’s done in any movie I’ve seen him in since. He plays a psychotic father surprisingly well, and you can tell he’s giving this his all, from his expressions to the little moments of actual acting. It’s surprising to see him so passionate about this when you consider that most of his career has been consisting of stonefaced catchphrase delivery, so when he has an opportunity to be funny, he usually is. And this has some really funny moments, from his fight with the Santas (one of which is The Big Show), to the greatest scene in cinema history: Arnold Schwarzenegger punching a reindeer in the face and then drinking with it.

The rest of the cast is… okay. Phil Hartman is channeling his inner Flanders as he is the absolute perfect neighbor, down to the cooking, decorating, and sexual advances towards married women. The line into psychosis is crossed a few times, like how he decides to hand out hot chocolate and let kids pet a LIVE REINDEER in his yard. I don’t care how much of an eccentric you are, and I love the holidays more than some people, but if you buy a reindeer for the sake of having it for one day in your yard, you are seriously demented. I really liked the chop shop filled with dirty Santas, I thought it was really funny having Jim Belushi run this workshop of black market toys and claim it was “for the children”. The timing of Arnold getting involved with them at the same time as the bust was a little contrived ut then again, the whole movie kind of was. I was surprised by how much on a recent viewing I liked Sinbad. I’ve seen Sinbad live on stage recently and he’s actually a lot funnier than people give him credit for, and in this movie he’s no different. He gives some pretty funny lines, and his character is involved in some scenes that I DEFINITELY didn’t get the joke in my first time watching it. I especially like when he explained how his wife has slept with everyone at the post office BUT him, and I also enjoyed the fantasy where Jake Lloyd was drinking from a whiskey bottle. You don’t see stuff like that in kids movies anymore! Not that I’m saying movies would be better if Anakin Skywalker got a little wasted on screen, but it certainly doesn’t hurt. Speaking of which he’s… he’s just as good here as he is in Episode 1. It’s no wonder this kid quit acting after only like 5 movies.

This film gets a lot of hate that it doesn’t deserve… as well as all that it does. I think it’s funny where it needs to be and does a good job sending a message when it has to. There’s some moments that could be cut out but then again, it’s a family movie so maybe I’m a little biased. It’s by no means a great film, but I’m never disappointed when I watch it. It’s got pretty much everything I’d expect it to be: It’s a Christmas movie starring an Austrian action hero looking for a doll. If you’re looking for anything closer to a classic than what you got, chances are you’re terrible at judging movies by their poster.

-Pat G

For more from Pat check out his YouTube Channel The GessNation or his Facebook page The Shred Shack

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12 Days of X-Mas!

DAY 3
ARTHUR CHRISTMAS

“We Claus’s used to be the only men in the world who could fly, Arthur. It was a gift.”

This is a new one, but it’s really a great film. It’s an interesting take on the Santa Claus mythos, it’s damn charming, and most of all it’s really, REALLY funny.

I like the idea that Santa has a long line of descendants, not just one magical man. It’s a family thing, and that’s where the heart of the story is. Every Santa Claus is different and each of them is a great character in and of themselves. Arthur (played by an almost stomach-churningly energetic James McAvoy) is caring to the point of almost hurting himself. His brother Steve, however, is more concerned with being efficient and strategic, letting some people get hurt in the process (“Arthur, Christmas is not a time for emotion”. Jim Broadbent plays a great santa claus with a bad memory and a genuine innocence about him. There are times when he seems a bit lazy, but honestly i think it’s just because he’s tired of being Santa. He’s watched the world go by and technology get better and better, and he just can’t keep up with it. And it’s understandable that Santa would be a lot less high tech than the elves (who do most of the work anyway). Speaking of the elves, the little Scottish elf has one of the best voices for an animated character i’ve heard in a long time. My favorite character in the whole thing has got to be the grandfather. He’s one of the funniest characters in any christmas movie i’ve ever seen. Everything he says is absolutely amazing from the tale of when he was shot during christmas of WWII (“Lost 3 reindeer and the elf. Fell out of the sleigh over Lake Geneva, never saw him again”), to probably the most absurd line i’ve ever heard in a children’s film (“That’s impossible!” “They used to say it was impossible to teach women to read!”) And he may not have the most… noble of intentions, but he’s still the greatest character in my opinion, and he gives Arthur the opportunity to deliver the last present in the first place. You could actually argue that he’s the most important character in the movie.

 

The animation is great too. Every flying scene is well designed, and absolutely beautiful. The opening cinematic with the elves delivering presents is so well done and fun to watch. The animation was done by Aardman Animations, who are most well known for the Wallace and Gromit films, and one of my personal favorites in the past year, Pirates: Band of Misfits. The models are much crisper and free flowing than you’re used to seeing with their style, and it’s refreshing for a christmas film. It takes a lot of things we know about christmas and puts a fresh spin on it. I like the idea that Santa’s sleigh is actually an air command center with hundreds of thousands of workers and that santa himself only does like, three houses. I like that they referenced other country’s traditions, like specifying that German presents should go in the shoes. The plot point about the ship being mistaken for a spaceship is also a nice touch.

And i can’t say enough how funny this movie is. The fact that the grandsanta doesn’t know that there’s people who live in Toronto, the detour to Mexico and Cuba (I didn’t know it was the Cuban Missile Crisis! I almost started World War III!), the bickering between Santa and Steve (This is about that pool table, isn’t it! You should have written to me!), and the elves all have funny moments too. My favorites are the crazy old elf warning everyone about 1816 when Santa was spotted, and how when every Santa goes to look for Arthur, the elves freak out and put the north pole into meltdown. But for every funny moment, there’s also a very caring one. You genuinely feel for Arthur as all he wants to do is help one little girl on Christmas. The scenes with the current Santa are also nice because you get a feel that he doesn’t want to leave his job but knows he just can’t keep up with it anymore. It’s also got a great ending with a lot of emotion for all the Santas at once.

 

This movie didn’t make a lot at the box office, and that’s a shame, because it’s really a nice picture with a lot of heart. It’s funny, it’s full of great entertaining animation, and it’s a pretty damn good story for the holidays. Not all the things i watch this month are all touchy-feely, but this one i hope becomes a classic in days to come. The next one will be more in my… age range. But dammit, this is great. So in the words of the Santa computer, “CHRISTMAS ACCOMPLISHED. COMMENCE DECKING HALLS.”

-Pat G

For more from Pat check out his YouTube Channel The GessNation or his Facebook page The Shred Shack

 

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12 Days of X-Mas!

DAY 2
A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1984)

“Christmas comes but once a year, sir..”
“A poor excuse for picking a man’s pocket every 25th of December.”

A Christmas Carol is probably my favorite stage play, probably my favorite Christmas story in general, and I’ve seen A LOT of different versions of it. I recently saw the Jim Carrey version and there were parts of it that were absolutely brilliant. I always love the Muppets Christmas Carol, and Michael Caine plays a great Scrooge. But my favorite combination of everything, from the atmosphere to the acting to the truth to the original story, is definitely the 1984 television production starring the absolute man himself, George C Scott.

Scott plays probably the best Scrooge in my opinion. His absolute cold demeanor in the film is so genuine, and there are even lines where he seems to enjoy being so greedy. His face lights up when he basically robs a few men out of a few hundred dollars on a deal at the exchange. When delivering the classic “boiled in his own pudding” line, he’s actually laughing! What the hell man? But the part of Scrooge, as you should know, extends to a lot more than just being a curmudgeon for half of the film and then being happy about life. You need to see a genuine change in the character throughout the film, a visible understanding for the human condition by the time the last spirit gets to him. And that’s what you see in this version more so than any others. Scott plays an undoubtable bastard for the first part of the film, to the point where you can’t wait for the spirits to show up and knock some sense into him. But the thing is that really shows how great this Scrooge is being played are his reactions to each of the spirits. They are perfect. Christmas Past makes him sad that he’s let Christmas, and his family and loved ones for that matter, out of his mind. Present makes him feel that he should be more charitable to the people around him, from his employees to the homeless he called “idle people” earlier in the film. And then there’s Future which gives him perspective that even with all his money, nobody will remember him in the next generations and he has in fact ruined families. That’s what makes a good interpretation, and that is what makes this version shine. You see the change in him with every spirit, and the look of him happily getting ready to go out into the world on Christmas Day is just fantastic. You truly believe that this man is changed for the better.

The rest of the actors are great too. Frank Finlay is my other favorite part of this film, and his portrayal of Jacob Marley is the version that sticks out the most in my mind. Everything about his performance from the cold dead stare, to the rag he uses to keep his jaw shut until he has something poignant to say, to the powerful, foreboding voice. It’s just awesome. Even when he screams to prove that he’s a real ghost, it’s actually pretty damn scary. The Cratchit family is good too, but this needs to be said… THE TINY TIM IN THIS FILM IS HORRIFYING! I mean Christ on sale, he’s the scariest child I’ve seen outside of the Village of the Damned! The pale face, the sunken in eyes, the robotic tone of his voice, the Ghost of Christmas Future has NOTHING on this kid! The spirits are everything you’d expect them to be. Past is a brightly glowing woman with a very serious tone. Present is a very loud, booming man with a very sarcastic tone (It’s even more amazing when you realize that it’s the lead from The Wicker Man. I keep expecting Scrooge to see a sight that makes him say “Oh Dear God! Oh Jesus Christ!”). And future is… Death, pretty much. I’ve seen a lot of versions of the story where Future is portrayed by a woman in red, or someone with a scarred face, but it’s a lot more impactful when the spirit is a faceless spectre of death. In fact for most of his part, you don’t see him at all. Just his shadow. And it’s a lot more powerful than just some guy in a robe.

All in all, this is an amazing story and even if you’ve never seen A Christmas Carol, that’s the best thing about it. Every single interpretation is self contained, powerful, and memorable in some way. So as that creepy, dead eyed child says against all of our wishes, “God Bless Us, Everyone!”

 

 

-Pat G

For more from Pat check out his YouTube Channel The GessNation or his Facebook page The Shred Shack