DAY 1 MST3K: SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS “We’ve never disappointed the kids yet… (Except the poor ones!)” I don’t care who you are or what your sense of humor is, THIS should be a part of everybody’s Christmas schedule. Mystery Science Theater 3000 is one of my favorite shows, and I can’t thank them enough for introducing me to, and ripping apart mercilessly, the horrid 1964 film “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians”. The movie is about Santa Claus being abducted by aliens because… hey, Santa is freakin’ boss. And since Mars does not have anything like Santa Claus, they decide to take ours. And with the help of two kids caught in the middle of everything, Santa… wins? Makes it home for a Black Tooth Grin before going off on the sled? I’m honestly not sure. It’s kind of weird and stupid, but god damn it I watch it every year. The music in the film is terrible, the acting is wooden, and the story is beyond ridiculous (even for a Santa Claus story). Which is what makes the riffing by Joel Hodgson, Crow and Tom Servo that much better. This is absolutely one of my favorite episodes of MST3K (along with Pod People and Final Sacrifice) and it’s one of those shows where I think almost every line added by the three riffers is absolutely gold. Everything from Santa’s first appearance being interviewed by a television crew (Get the Hell out of my shop!) to the outrageous porn staches on the “aliens” (We’re leaving tonight. Pack your other mustache), to where Santa is passionately telling the two children about his tour in ‘Nam, I laugh my ass off every time. “Worst. Idea. Ever.” [pause] “Let’s do it.”’s also this episode that got me to appreciate the show that much more, and I support the current projects of MST3K’s cast and crew in pretty much everything they do now (Rifftrax more than Cinematic Titanic, but still). This 12 Days of Xmas list I have will be mostly movies that I genuinely ENJOY watching, but with the riffing in between the lines of this awful film, there’s few things I love watching more around this time of year. And as usual I’d like to wish everybody to have more than just a Merry Christmas. Have a Very Patrick Swayze Christmas everyone!!
-Pat G
For more from Pat check out his YouTube Channel The GessNation